Sunday, September 16, 2012

Reflection

I am reminded tonight about life being short. Intangible right to the end.  Maybe it's because I'm 40 now. Or that my daughter is a full blown independent driver without me. Without me having control.

The other day I was wondering if I should organise my own playlist for my funeral and wake. Be fucked if someone puts on something I would have hated!

Someone contacted me about their good friend who passed away recently. It was sad to read despite not knowing the deceased - it was sad all the same.  My compassion was still present. Someone loved this lady. She was someone's partner. Or friend. Or the mistress of her pet. She was loved.

I was also reminded that today is the first death anniversary of my ex boss - Ted  - who died of cancer aged 72. I can't say too much here because his name is famous.  The media google his name and I don't want my blog to bring our cause shame. 

Tomorrow I will wear the same red silk scarf to work as I wore to his state funeral. I am feeling a tad meloncholy, moping around unable to focus on my over-due  policy analysis assessment. Feeling inspired to succeed. To make a difference. To travel. To help.

I'm reminded again of my preferred field, with male survivors watching Boystown - and the tales of sexual abuse the brave amazing men are sharing.

What will happen when you go? Who will be with you as you take your final breath?

What will people remember about you one year after you've gone?

Will they remember their own short-comings?

I wish I'd told them................

Why didn't they forgive me? 

Did he/she know how much I cared? 

I hope he knows how much I cared.

What stories will people say about you when it's the anniversary of your death?

 Drive carefully. Love someone today. Be nice to each other.

Tomorrow is another day.

Cath
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6 comments:

lx said...

If you have final preferences, be sure to indicate them in your will and make sure a couple of trusted people have copies.

I purchased a burial plot and pre-paid mortuary arrangements last year.

Ute said...

Those that are in my life know my choices. I have talked about it enough.

I wasn't able to stipulate where exactly I wanted my ashes scattered in my will(the woman told me that was up to me to tell my family), but they all know where I want to be laid to rest.

I do wonder- "Will anyone remember me when I am gone?" After a year, ten years, 20?
Because of the estrangement with my daughter, I ponder if my grandkids will ever know I existed...and they will never know my history. :(

Electro-Kevin said...

'cause forty is just soooo old !

The time flies and it gets faster. Reflection is what you do when you become aware of mortality.

Nearly October already ?

Don't think about death. It doesn't matter what you want afterwards - it's what the people you leave behind want.

Love them and they will know what to do.

I can't see that you're doing any more than you can. Packing as much into your life as possible and that's as much as you can ask of yourself.

An upward path of achievement (education) is good for the soul and better for the mind than hedonism. It will make all the little rewards you give yourself taste that much sweeter.

SouthOzBloke said...

Until you lose someone close you don't realise how true some of those old cliche's are.
Nowadays I find myself pointing out some of those very same cliche's to others so that they don't have to have them bouncing around in their heads "after the fact".

Mandy_Fish said...

My husband recently asked me to see our lawyer so I can have all my wishes made all official-like. I wonder if I can add the playlist to my will?

Ms Smack said...

Thanks guys for your insightful comments.

Kev, I don't think 40 is old, but I think, if you are a parent, it might be just the time you start getting your freedom back...

Mandy, yes. I will be setting up my playlist.

Love to you all
Cath
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